Better friendships Improve You Life

原文

Friendships can bring some surprising benefits to our health. Here's how you can make new friends and strengthen the ones you've got already.

Health, exercise and diet reliably sit at the top of most people's New Year's resolutions – but for 2025, some may consider prioritising another goal: better relations with other people.

Boosting the strength and quality of our social ties can have a huge impact on our emotional and mental health. As one of our writers, David Robson, notes, our friendships can "influence everything from our immune system's strength to our chances of dying from heart disease", and can even help us lead a longer life. Close bonds with spouses and dear friends, but also friendly relations with acquaintances, colleagues and neighbours are all beneficial, suggesting it's worth trying to find common ground even in these polarised times. And in the midst of an apparent loneliness epidemic, it could be the medicine we all need.

Here is our four-day guide to help you jump-start your social life in 2025 – or to simply feel more connected with the world. After all, many types of relationships can bring us joy, opening us up to the world around us by connecting with nature, connecting with animals, and importantly, connecting with ourselves.

Day 1: What are your friendship goals and expectations?

When our writer Molly Gorman interviewed friendship researcher Grace Vieth about break-ups between friends, she learned that there's one thing many of us could do to improve our networks: get better at dealing with conflict. As Vieth says: "I think that a lot of people have a mindset that they're willing to work through conflict in romantic relationships". But when it comes to friendship, we may just expect things to "be easy and bring a lot of joy, fun and laughter", Vieth explains – leading us to mistakenly think that if there's conflict, the friendship itself is flawed.

It could be a good idea to take some time to think about what friendship means to you – and what you expect from yourself and others in a friendship. Molly's piece has lots of research-backed information on handling the ups and downs of being friends – and, should it come to it, dealing with and learning from the end of a friendship and its aftermath. (Read her full article here.)

Encouragingly, making friends is in fact something that can be learned and mastered over time – in fact, later life can be a golden age for friendship, as research suggests we become better at getting along with others. "People over time gain social skills," says Katherine Fiori, a professor of psychology at Adelphi University, New York. You could read our piece on how our friendship strategies change over our lifetime, and consider if your own social goals fit your current needs – or if it could be worth modifying them.

Day 2: Share happiness

Having reflected on your friendship expectations and goals, do you think that you're a good, supportive friend to others? If you're not sure, here are some research-backed tips to boost your own friendship skills.

One powerful trait among supportive friends is "confelicity", from the Latin word for "shared happiness". It simply means taking the time to really express joy at other people's good news, as well as sharing your own positive feelings with them. If you'd like to bring more sparkle to your friendships in 2025, finding opportunities for confelicity could be a good first step. Is there someone who recently shared good news with you – but your immediate reaction could perhaps have been more enthusiastic? You could still send them a message saying that you were really pleased to hear about their success or mention it next time you meet. (Read our full piece on being a supportive – and not toxic – friend.)

Javier Hirschfeld/ Getty Images Sharing in the happiness of your friends is a great way of building supportive bonds (Credit: Javier Hirschfeld/ Getty Images)Javier Hirschfeld/ Getty Images Sharing in the happiness of your friends is a great way of building supportive bonds (Credit: Javier Hirschfeld/ Getty Images) Another way to add warmth to your connections could be to repair past wrongs, by saying sorry. As our tech specialist Thomas Germain found out, robots are actually surprisingly good at coming up with effective apologies – while many humans struggle with that. But we humans may have one advantage: we can show in many ways that while imperfect, our apologies come from the heart. As Judy Eaton, a psychology professor at Wilfrid Laurier University in Waterloo, Ontario, Canada, told Thomas: "Apologies aren't just about saying the right words, it's about bringing in the physiological responses of what researchers call 'psychic pain'. If you're truly remorseful, it hurts. If that pain doesn't come through in the apology, people can detect that it's not a real manifestation of vulnerability." (And if you're not sure how to say sorry without making things worse, read Thomas' full article on apologising effectively).

Friendship special

Amid the loneliness epidemic blighting many parts of the world following the pandemic, the BBC looks at how friendships can enrich our lives – and the science-backed ways to boost our social connections:

• Why we become better friends as we age
• What we can learn from friendship break-ups  
• How not to be a 'toxic' friend

Day 3: Connect over shared interests

For people who struggle in social situations, connecting with others over shared interests can be a way to bond without having to put yourself at the centre of the interaction. Since friends strongly shape our habits and values, meeting new people over a shared hobby could also potentially tick off two New Year’s resolutions in one go: making new friends, and cultivating a new hobby.

Bonding with other students in a language class, for example, helps people persevere with the class and eventually master the language, according to experts on successful language-learning. (If you're worried that you're too old to learn a new language, read this article – you're not, and in fact, older learners have certain advantages over younger learners.)

Shared rituals are another way to strengthen relationships, researchers have found

Exercise can be another activity with a double benefit – meeting people and staying fit. Team sports in particular are associated with improved social and mental health. This applies to people of all ages and abilities, including those with disabilities. Last year, we took the Olympic and Paralympic Games in Paris as an opportunity to report on a vast range of fitness-related topics, from how to run faster, to staying safe and healthy as an athlete with disability. The overarching message: exercise can be a great social activity, it's great for mental and physical health, and we should probably all do more of it.

Learning an instrument is another activity that's fun and can benefit the brain, and open up opportunities to connect with others. So, on day three, how about picking a new activity, or reviving an old one, and making a plan for how to pursue it over the course of the year?

Shared rituals are another way to strengthen relationships, researchers have found – and even tiny ones, such as clinking your cutlery together before you eat or a special greeting, can make connections more durable and satisfying. (Read the full story on the power of rituals here).

Day 4: Connect with nature

On day four, it could be time to turn towards nature. Blue spaces such as lakes, rivers and oceans, and specially designated Dark Sky sites that have low levels of light pollution, can all boost our wellbeing. Time spent in nature has even been found to help people make social connections, providing a tonic for loneliness, as writer Julia Hotz revealed in her article. And we can return the favour, by helping the plants and animals around us.

Sometimes, all it takes is a flick of a switch: turning skyscrapers and residential homes dark can save the lives of billions of birds as they migrate through our cities. It could also allow you to experience the wonder of night's sky for yourself. Experiencing awe and wonder at the Universe around us can help to bring people closer together, encouraging more altruistic behaviour and reducing self-centric attitudes, as David Robson explains in this elegant article about the power of events like a solar eclipse.

As migration ecologist Andrew Farnsworth told our reporter Riley Farrell: "We need to keep our connection to nature through our eyes, ears, nose", opening our senses to the awe-inspiring behaviour of birds and other creatures. (Read the full story on the Lights Out campaign in US cities, and its surprisingly powerful impact – as well the connections it has created between bird fans in many cities.)

Javier Hirschfeld/Getty Images Friendships bring a wide range of benefits to our lives but also take work to maintain (Credit: Javier Hirschfeld/ Getty Images)Javier Hirschfeld/Getty Images Friendships bring a wide range of benefits to our lives but also take work to maintain (Credit: Javier Hirschfeld/ Getty Images) Our correspondent Katherine Latham experienced this kind of helping-hand connection on a tiny but thrilling scale, when she built a minuscule garden pond – and a frog moved in. (At the other end of the scale, a family with a castle in England rewilded an entire ancient estate, and previously extinct storks have made their home there.) Even in dark, cold January, there are many ways to help animals – bird feeders have pros and cons, but a simple alternative can be to grow wildlife-friendly plants.

For some, connecting with nature can be profoundly transformative, and heal deep wounds. Tiana Williams, a member of the Yurok Nation, told our correspondent Lucy Sherriff about a very special wildlife connection that brought joy to her tribe: bringing back the condor, which the Yurok Tribe considers a sacred animal. As Williams says, for her young daughter, "condors have been part of her whole life. One of her favourite games growing up was pretending she was a baby condor and I was condor mum. So, it's just part of her story… The condor is not only here in reality, but they're here in our hearts again."

Such a deep ancestral connection with a sacred animal is an especially precious bond, and part of many indigenous traditions. But all people and all communities can benefit from cultivating closer ties with nature – by enjoying the marvels our planet has to offer.

Whether it's reaching out to an old friend, starting a sociable new hobby, or simply observing the world around you and noticing opportunities to connect with it, we hope your year will be filled with the joy of good company. And if you're up for a few more wellbeing steps, here's our guide to improving other parts of life, one day at a time.

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中文翻译

友谊可以给我们的健康带来令人惊讶的好处。以下是如何结交新朋友以及加深现有友谊的方法。

健康、锻炼和饮食往往位列大多数人的新年目标之首——但在2025年，有些人可能会考虑优先实现另一个目标：改善与他人的关系。

增强社交关系的强度和质量，对我们的情感和心理健康有着巨大的影响。正如作者大卫·罗布森指出的那样，友谊可以“影响从免疫系统的强度到死于心脏病的几率的一切”，甚至可以帮助我们活得更长。无论是与配偶和亲密朋友的密切关系，还是与熟人、同事和邻居的友好关系，都具有积极意义，这表明即使在当下两极分化的时代，找到共同点也是值得的。在似乎正经历孤独流行的时刻，这可能是我们所需要的良药。

以下是我们为帮助您在2025年重新启动社交生活或简单地感受与世界更紧密联系的四日指南。毕竟，许多类型的关系都能带来快乐，使我们通过与自然、动物甚至自我的联系，重新打开通往世界的心门。

第一天：明确你的友谊目标和期望

当我们的作者莫莉·戈尔曼采访友谊研究者格蕾丝·维斯，讨论朋友间的分手时，她了解到，有一件事许多人可以做来改善社交网络：学会更好地处理冲突。正如维斯所说：“我认为很多人有一种心态，他们愿意在浪漫关系中解决冲突。”但在友谊中，我们可能只是期望一切“轻松愉快，充满欢乐和笑声”，这种想法会导致我们错误地认为，只要有冲突，友谊本身就有问题。

或许，花些时间思考友谊对你的意义——以及你对自己和他人在友谊中的期望——是个好主意。莫莉的文章中包含许多基于研究的建议，帮助你处理友谊的起伏，甚至应对友谊结束的后果并从中学习。（点击阅读完整文章）

值得鼓舞的是，结交朋友实际上是一种可以学习和掌握的技能——事实上，晚年可能是友谊的黄金时期，因为研究表明我们随着时间推移会变得更擅长与他人相处。阿德菲大学心理学教授凯瑟琳·菲奥里表示：“随着时间推移，人们会获得社交技巧。”你可以阅读我们关于友谊策略如何随着一生变化的文章，并思考你的社交目标是否符合当前需求，或者是否值得调整。

第二天：分享幸福

在反思友谊的期望和目标之后，你是否认为自己是一个善于支持他人的朋友？如果你不确定，以下是一些基于研究的建议，可以帮助你提升友谊技能。

一个强有力的特质是“共享幸福”（confelicity），源于拉丁语，意为“共享快乐”。它的含义很简单：花时间对他人的好消息表示真正的高兴，并与他们分享自己的积极感受。如果你希望在2025年为友谊增添光彩，寻找机会表现出共享幸福可能是一个好起点。是否有人最近与你分享了好消息，而你的第一反应可能还不够热情？你可以仍然发一条信息，表示听到他们的成功真的很高兴，或者在下次见面时提起。（点击阅读完整文章）

另一个增添温暖的方法是弥补过去的错误，通过道歉来修复关系。正如我们的科技专家托马斯·吉尔曼发现的，机器人在提出有效道歉方面其实出人意料地擅长——而许多人类在这方面却很困难。但我们人类可能有一个优势：我们可以用多种方式表明，虽然不完美，但我们的道歉出自真心。正如加拿大安大略省劳里埃大学心理学教授朱迪·伊顿所说：“道歉不仅仅是说出正确的话语，它还涉及到所谓‘心理痛苦’的生理反应。如果你真的感到内疚，这种痛苦会显现出来。如果这种痛苦没有在道歉中体现，人们会察觉到那不是一种真实的脆弱表现。”（点击阅读完整文章）

第三天：通过共同兴趣建立联系

对于在社交场合中感到挣扎的人来说，通过共同的兴趣与他人建立联系，可以避免将自己置于互动的中心。由于朋友会强烈影响我们的习惯和价值观，通过一个共同的爱好认识新朋友，可能还会实现两个新年目标：结交新朋友，培养新爱好。

例如，在语言课中与其他学生建立联系，可以帮助人们坚持完成课程并最终掌握语言。（如果你担心自己太老了学不会一门新语言，可以点击阅读完整文章，了解为什么你不会太老，而且年长学习者实际上在某些方面比年轻学习者更有优势。）

运动是另一种具有双重好处的活动——结识朋友并保持健康。尤其是团队运动，与改善社交和心理健康密切相关。这适用于所有年龄段和能力的人，包括残疾人士。（点击阅读完整文章）

学习一种乐器也是一种有趣且有益大脑的活动，并能为与他人建立联系创造机会。因此，在第三天，选择一个新活动，或者重新拾起一项旧爱好，并为如何在这一年内坚持下去制定计划。

第四天：与自然连接

在第四天，可以将目光投向自然。湖泊、河流、海洋等蓝色空间，以及拥有低光污染的暗夜天空保护区，都能提升我们的幸福感。正如作者朱莉娅·霍茨在文章中揭示的那样，花时间在自然中甚至能帮助人们建立社交联系，为孤独提供一剂良药。而我们也可以回馈自然，通过帮助植物和动物，与它们建立联系。

例如，只需关闭摩天大楼和住宅的灯光，就能拯救数十亿只迁徙鸟类的生命。（点击阅读完整文章）

无论是联系一位老朋友，开始一项社交的新爱好，还是单纯地观察周围的世界并注意到与之建立联系的机会，我们希望您的这一年充满良好陪伴的快乐。